Emotion Coaching & Nurturing the Parent-Child Relationship in Adolescence: Benefits & Buffers

Understanding the benefits of strengthening the parent-child relationship in adolescence and the buffers of adolescent maturation requires, first, debunking certain myths about adolescence. From there, we can begin to view and understand adolescence as a sensitive neurobiological period of development which requires intentional parental guidance in order to support the child’s development and self-regulation skills. By elucidating the realistic span of time that constitutes adolescence and the neurobiological changes during this timespan, we can explore and acknowledge the imperative need for regulatory support such as Emotion Coaching from caretakers as a buffer for identity achievement and adolescents’ maturation particularly self-regulation skills.

Before we can begin to apply methods for supporting the parent-child relationship in adolescence to strengthen adolescent cognition and development, it is important to extract one’s common misconceptions about adolescence which may or may not misinform one’s approach to parenting or working with adolescents. For one, it has widely been thought that the term adolescence was synonymous with the term teenager. This common error assumes the timespan of adolescence is roughly a child’s teenage years, beginning at the onset of puberty and ending once the child is no longer a teenager. Steinberg, L. (2015) pushes back on this misconception by redefining the timespan of adolescence. He writes, “conventionally, adolescence has meant the stage of development that begins with puberty and ends with the economic and social independence of the young person from his or her parents…There is also evidence from brain science that the brain doesn’t completely mature until sometime during the early twenties, so applying the term adolescence to people this age is also consistent with what we are learning from neuroscience.” Thus, redefining the timespan of adolescence as one that stretches beyond the teenage years allows us to see adolescent children as undergoing a much more sensitive and time-consuming biological period.

In addition to this myth, is one that implies that rebellion, risky-behavior, and peer-orientation during this period are ubiquitous and natural and, thus, should not be mitigated. Previously, scholars have viewed this developmental period as a time of storm and stress when extreme levels of conflict with parents result in a reorientation toward peers (Holmbeck, G.N., 1994). However, these studies have been clinically biased as they have only been made on adolescents with adjustment difficulties. Contradicting and more recent evidence conducted in larger samples of adolescents negates the former findings. Despite such disconfirming empirical evidence, it appears that public policy and the public’s beliefs are still in line with early scholars’ perspectives. Holmbeck (1994), adds, “Moreover, those who write for mass media publications will often invoke concepts such as rebelliousness, parent-adolescent conflict, early onset of sexual behaviors, and identity crises to make points about the negative nature of adolescence.”

It is clear that these universal misunderstandings about the nature of adolescence are a disservice to supporting the full maturation of an adolescent child and their identity achievement. According to Erik Erickson, identity is the primary goal in an adolescent’s stage of development. Muuss (1988) writes, the child must “establish a sense of personal identity and avoid the dangers of role diffusion and identity confusion. He must answer for himself where he came from, who he is, and what he wants to become.” 

The task of achieving identity can be best supported by the caregiver through understanding the adolescent’s biological shifts and the neurological changes in an adolescent’s brain. Firstly, when we think of brain plasticity and malleability we most commonly think of the first three years of life as the most plastic period in brain development. However, adolescence is as malleable a period of development for the brain. Why is this important to understand? If we know that the brain is highly influenced by its environment and biologically shaped by experience, we are able to support the brain with positive experiences. Steinberg (2015) writes, “Plasticity cuts both ways…the brain’s malleability makes adolescence a period of tremendous opportunity —and great risk. If we expose our young people to positive, supportive environments, they will flourish.”

In addition to the adolescent’s brain being highly malleable, it is highly pleasurable. An adolescent’s reward system, relationship system, and regulatory system are the chief regions in the brain undergoing changes during adolescence. According to Steinberg (2015) , “These are the brain systems that are most responsive to stimulation during adolescence, but they are also the ones that are most easily harmed.”

Understanding the neurobiological changes that occur during adolescence allows us to mitigate harmful stimuli in those regions of the brain through direct, supportive, and proactive relationships as caregivers. It was often thought that teenagers were meant to go off and spend more time with their peers without supervision. However, studies show that because adolescents are prone to seek risky behavior to pleasure their reward system in the brain, they are more susceptible to dangerous behavior and precarious situations without adult supervision.  “According to statistics from the FBI, most crimes are committed by adolescents. Arrests increase dramatically from age ten until age eighteen…According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, drowning is more common during mid-adolescence than any other period of life except infancy…Adolescents are also more likely than other age groups to experiment with alcohol, cigarettes, and illicit drugs,” writes Steinberg (2015). Additional statistics highlight the vulnerability of this period of development including the higher rates of risky driving, speeding, unwanted pregnancies, and recklessness during adolescence. What this evidence implies is multifold. 

Adolescents biologically seek risk and reward. However, risky behavior can be buffered by supportive environmental contexts and relationships which stimulate executive functioning, the relationship system, and the regulation system. Secondly, adolescents need supervision, positive role models, and strengthened relationships through Emotion Coaching from their caregivers. Understanding the malleability of the brain and the adolescent’s biological susceptibility to risk and pleasure allows us to apply our practices as educators and caregivers from an emotion-centered and relationship-based approach. In order for an adolescent to confidently answer the questions, “Who am I?” “Where do I come from?” and “Who do I want to become?”, the child must be equipped with emotional intelligence, self-regulation skills, and guiding adults.

For these reasons, I propose broad applications of John Gottman’s Emotion Coaching strategies for building the parent-child relationship in adolescence. Emotion Coaching is a parenting and caregiving approach designed by psychoanalyst and professor John Gottman, Ph.D. His approach is rooted in a 5-step framework to conflict resolution and building emotional intelligence. First, we must listen to the child. Secondly, we must empathize with soothing words and affection. Thirdly, we must help the child label the emotion they are experiencing. Fourthly, we can set appropriate limits on behaviors and provide acceptable expressions of the emotion. Lastly, we can coach the child with problem-solving skills and tools for self-regulation. As noted in the 5-step approach, Emotion Coaching supports the implementation of authoritative practices where leadership and clear boundaries encompass the parent-child dynamic while a full embrace and welcoming of a child’s emotions and feelings encourage loyalty and trust in the parent-child relationship. Children raised with Emotion-coaching parents are more likely to achieve identity earlier, overcome life changes like divorce or life events, and succeed academically (Gottman, 1998). Further, Gottman writes, “our studies indicate that success will come easier to young people whose parents practice Emotion Coaching. These are the teens who will be more emotionally intelligent, understanding and accepting of their feelings. They will have more experience solving problems on their own and with others…With such protective factors in hand, these teens will be buffered against the risks all parents fear as their children enter adolescence- risks like drugs, delinquency, violence, and unsafe sex.” 

In a daily context, parents can help to mitigate their adolescent’s risky behavior and build positive environments that enrich the child’s plasticity through parent-sponsored community events, activities, and ongoing experiences. For example, hosting playdates at one’s house while supervising from afar provides the teenager a balance of autonomy, respect, and security. Providing supervised extra-curricular enrichments further builds opportunities for the child to achieve identity through peer-relations and interest-oriented experiences while in the safe and guided adult-monitored environment. It is clear that Emotion Coaching and supportive environments go hand in hand when buffering adolescents maturation and identity achievement.

For much of my academic and professional life, I operated under the antiquated scholarly concepts of adolescence development, believing that teen years were beholden to an era of natural rebellion and isolated autonomy, much like my own adolescent experience. As someone who experienced a lot of misunderstanding as a teenager, I, like so many others, wish we were better understood during our adolescence. With adequate, trusting support from caretakers, adolescence doesn’t have to be filled with rebellion and risky behavior. As I move forward supporting families in the field of child development as an educator, administrator, and parent educator, I look forward to applying these new frameworks such as Emotion Coaching to adolescent development and emphasizing the power of the parent-child relationship to more successfully support positive outcomes in children of all ages.

References

Steinberg, L. (2017). Adolescence. (95-151). McGraw Hill. [Ch. 4: Families, Ch. 5: Peer Groups]  

Holmbeck, G.N. (1994). Adolescence. In Encyclopedia of Mental Health (Vol. 1, pp. 1-12). San Diego, CA: Academic Press. 

Muuss, R.E. (1988). Theories of adolescence (pp.52-85). New York: Random House. Ch. 3: Erikson’s theory of identity development.

Steinberg, L. (2015). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the new science of adolescence. (pp. 65-125). Mariner Books. Houghton, Mifflin, Harcourt. Boston, New York. 

Gottman, John. August 12, 1998. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, The Heart of Parenting. Simon & Schuster.